Well, tonight was the last hoorah with my sisters. I had so much fun with them. I know Rachel may roll her eyes and Jessica and Alyse might get a little teary eyed, but nights like tonight just totally cement our relationship for me.
Some of you may or may not know Alyse and Rachel are not my biological sisters, but honestly they couldn't be more my sisters if they were. When people ask my about siblings I ALWAYS tell them I have three sisters. We're all different and totally bitchy in our own ways, but I love us and am so thankful for each and every unique sister I have.
Tonight all we really did was take an hour drive to an all you can eat seafood buffet. Let me tell you, this is the ONLY time I will ever out eat any of these girls. They make me look like a lightweight every time we are all together and have something to eat, with the only exception being if we go out for seafood. I totally ate 4.5 lobsters and would have gone for more if #5 hadn't been bad. Then again, the shrimp dishes, the crab legs, the ribs, the wings and the prime rib... I ate A LOT! I ate more tonight then I've probably been eating in three days lately. And I love every minute of it until it was time to move!
Insurance company has everything they need to approve my surgery. Now it's just the waiting game. Authorization better take place in time for the scheduled surgery on 12/5.
Oh, btw, Noel got approved for her surgery 11/23! So happy for her. You guys will definitely be updated when I hear from the insurance.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
And here it comes.....
The freaking out part. What have I gotten myself into?
I've researched and researched and felt so comfortable with this decision and have been so excited. Now that I'm just a few weeks away I'm a mess! I love my doctor, he's great. Love the clinical staff, they are awesome and so non-judgmental like every other doctors office. Office staff--- well they suck, but hey can't have it all.
With my surgeon I actually have the choice of two hospitals. One hospital is very close to the doctors main office, the other is much closer to my home. I've got everything scheduled and arranged to go to the hospital closer to the doctors office because I thought they would be faster and it is the only hospital in the area Noel can go to. Our surgeries are scheduled for the same day and we are all set to be roommates. However, what happens if my insurance doesn't approve me in time?
I'll tell you what.. Noel will still have her surgery on the 5th and I'll be stuck at that hospital with some stranger as a roommate farther away from my family then need be, with a shower that the other patients will be sharing with me.
Now, if I saw screw it and just go with the hospital closer to me I will have my own private room, private shower and my sister can spend the nights with me. I don't mind sharing a room if Noel is going to be my roommate, but the closer I get the less likely it seems insurance will approve me in time.
Now, on top of it all I'm having that meltdown. I haven't been the greatest at following the low carb high protein diet. I've lost about 10 pounds and it's stayed that way for almost a month now because... I can't keep my lips shut. I never really thought before about how much I eat!! I'm not hungry.... I'm bored.. Or hurt... Or empty and it's a way to feel full inside!
Mentally I am 100% prepared. Emotionally I'm starting to wonder if you can be a negate percent of prepared. Like -50%. I'm such a wreck. And even though I'm going through this whole process with Noel, I'm starting to freak out in a major and I feel alone as I can get.
I've researched and researched and felt so comfortable with this decision and have been so excited. Now that I'm just a few weeks away I'm a mess! I love my doctor, he's great. Love the clinical staff, they are awesome and so non-judgmental like every other doctors office. Office staff--- well they suck, but hey can't have it all.
With my surgeon I actually have the choice of two hospitals. One hospital is very close to the doctors main office, the other is much closer to my home. I've got everything scheduled and arranged to go to the hospital closer to the doctors office because I thought they would be faster and it is the only hospital in the area Noel can go to. Our surgeries are scheduled for the same day and we are all set to be roommates. However, what happens if my insurance doesn't approve me in time?
I'll tell you what.. Noel will still have her surgery on the 5th and I'll be stuck at that hospital with some stranger as a roommate farther away from my family then need be, with a shower that the other patients will be sharing with me.
Now, if I saw screw it and just go with the hospital closer to me I will have my own private room, private shower and my sister can spend the nights with me. I don't mind sharing a room if Noel is going to be my roommate, but the closer I get the less likely it seems insurance will approve me in time.
Now, on top of it all I'm having that meltdown. I haven't been the greatest at following the low carb high protein diet. I've lost about 10 pounds and it's stayed that way for almost a month now because... I can't keep my lips shut. I never really thought before about how much I eat!! I'm not hungry.... I'm bored.. Or hurt... Or empty and it's a way to feel full inside!
Mentally I am 100% prepared. Emotionally I'm starting to wonder if you can be a negate percent of prepared. Like -50%. I'm such a wreck. And even though I'm going through this whole process with Noel, I'm starting to freak out in a major and I feel alone as I can get.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
NSVs I can't wait for
So, I've been reading lots of discussion boards. People frequently are making lists of non scale victories (NSV) they have just had or can not wait to have. So I've decided to make a list as well.
I can't wait for a regular bath towel to be big enough to wrap around me.
I want to cross my legs when I sit.
I can't wait to walk into Hollister and buy a hoodie.
Cute bras.
Cute shoes.
Cute shirts.. Hell just cute everything clothing wise.
Being able to RUN my first mile!
I'm sure the list will grow. But these are the big ones for me right now.
I can't wait for a regular bath towel to be big enough to wrap around me.
I want to cross my legs when I sit.
I can't wait to walk into Hollister and buy a hoodie.
Cute bras.
Cute shoes.
Cute shirts.. Hell just cute everything clothing wise.
Being able to RUN my first mile!
I'm sure the list will grow. But these are the big ones for me right now.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Birthday, Illness, Weight .. GAIN!?
Well, it's been over a week since I last posted and it sure has been crazy.
Saturday October 29, 2011 we got hit really hard with a snow storm. Totally annoyed by it, since my birthday is October 30 and my mother went to the hospital to give birth to me in a tank top, shorts and flip flops! (Indian Summer, not pregnancy hormones.)
The day started off with my sister Jessica, bff Rachel and friend Nikki heading to Lyndenhurst, NJ for a birthday dinner at Medieval Times. The drive there wasn't that bad, mostly just full of idiot NJ drivers. (I swear in the tri-state area the only people who know how to drive are NYers!) Anywho.. We get to the restaurant and walk around, get our pictures taken and the power goes out. While we wait around to see if the power comes back on my sinus start to plug up and the pressure in my face makes me want to let the King behead me. The power doesn't come back on, they give us free food and send us home.
Back to NY we go. All of 17 in NJ was black. No power. It took us like over three hours to get home and was so annoying. The closer we got to home, it seemed like the power issues there were such as unplowed roads and detours due to fallen trees.
My poor cousin Noel (the cousin who will be having surgery with me) has a 10 month old and her power went out, so she packed up and headed to my house so she had heat for the baby. In the past sleep overs (yes, even at the ripe old age of 27 and 31) were always a blast for us. Well, not so much because I was so sick all I wanted to do was sleep. And it was hard on the baby sleeping in a strange place. I love that little boy so much! In the morning I rolled over and there he was standing up in his pack and play smiling at me on my birthday. Noel made me breakfast and then I think I slept most of the day away.
The power was out at work for two days, so no work. Which was just fine by me since Monday and Tuesday were when I was my sickest. Finally get to go back to work, and it sucks. I really hate my job most days. And those bitchy women I call co-workers don't make it any easier.
I've been on antibiotics over a week and I still feel like crap.. And the worst part, because I don't want to get dehydrated I haven't been taking my water pill, the antibiotics kill my stomach, I get too out of breath to ride my bike... And I gained back like 4 pounds. AHHHHH!!!!!
Saturday October 29, 2011 we got hit really hard with a snow storm. Totally annoyed by it, since my birthday is October 30 and my mother went to the hospital to give birth to me in a tank top, shorts and flip flops! (Indian Summer, not pregnancy hormones.)
The day started off with my sister Jessica, bff Rachel and friend Nikki heading to Lyndenhurst, NJ for a birthday dinner at Medieval Times. The drive there wasn't that bad, mostly just full of idiot NJ drivers. (I swear in the tri-state area the only people who know how to drive are NYers!) Anywho.. We get to the restaurant and walk around, get our pictures taken and the power goes out. While we wait around to see if the power comes back on my sinus start to plug up and the pressure in my face makes me want to let the King behead me. The power doesn't come back on, they give us free food and send us home.
Back to NY we go. All of 17 in NJ was black. No power. It took us like over three hours to get home and was so annoying. The closer we got to home, it seemed like the power issues there were such as unplowed roads and detours due to fallen trees.
My poor cousin Noel (the cousin who will be having surgery with me) has a 10 month old and her power went out, so she packed up and headed to my house so she had heat for the baby. In the past sleep overs (yes, even at the ripe old age of 27 and 31) were always a blast for us. Well, not so much because I was so sick all I wanted to do was sleep. And it was hard on the baby sleeping in a strange place. I love that little boy so much! In the morning I rolled over and there he was standing up in his pack and play smiling at me on my birthday. Noel made me breakfast and then I think I slept most of the day away.
The power was out at work for two days, so no work. Which was just fine by me since Monday and Tuesday were when I was my sickest. Finally get to go back to work, and it sucks. I really hate my job most days. And those bitchy women I call co-workers don't make it any easier.
I've been on antibiotics over a week and I still feel like crap.. And the worst part, because I don't want to get dehydrated I haven't been taking my water pill, the antibiotics kill my stomach, I get too out of breath to ride my bike... And I gained back like 4 pounds. AHHHHH!!!!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tick tock...
My birthday is in four days, I will be twenty-seven. Every year at my birthday I start reflecting on my life in the past and what I want it to be in the future. This year especially I am thinking about the future, with my VSG scheduled to be done December 8, 2011. This time next year I should literally be a whole new person.
That's forty-two days away. When I first started the countdown app on my cell phone it was sixty-eight. My oh my how time is flying.
I met the nutritionist for the second time yesterday. I'm down eight and a half pounds. That is enough weight loss to shrink my liver and to satisfy the surgeon. Obviously, I would love to lose more then that. After all, isn't the entire purpose of this process to lose weight? The tricky part for me is going to be not regaining any of it. But, then again, isn't that always the problem?
My cousins bypass surgery is scheduled for the same way, and if all goes well we should be sharing a room in the hospital. My mother is also planning to be there, which surprises the hell out of me. I truly don't believe my mother has left the house since my car accident on November 14, 2009. I will be impressed and very touched.
That being said I'm also so worried her being at the hospital will just be annoying. She is so dependent on others and my sister will already have her hands full. At first I really wanted my aunt to be there because next to my mother, she is the closest thing I have to that role. However, there is some family stuff going on right now and I don't know if I still feel that way. I want my mom there to stroke my hair or make the nurses tow the line if needed. Instead, she'll just need to be pushed around in a wheelchair that will probably resemble a stretcher. *sigh*
Deep down, I can't help but hope that her watching me go through this process will jump start her brain and make her want to change. Supposedly she has a doctor appointment in two days, but who knows if she will follow through with it. Like I said, it's been almost two years since she has left the house.
If anyone is reading this, please pray for my mother, maybe with more prayers something will change?
That's forty-two days away. When I first started the countdown app on my cell phone it was sixty-eight. My oh my how time is flying.
I met the nutritionist for the second time yesterday. I'm down eight and a half pounds. That is enough weight loss to shrink my liver and to satisfy the surgeon. Obviously, I would love to lose more then that. After all, isn't the entire purpose of this process to lose weight? The tricky part for me is going to be not regaining any of it. But, then again, isn't that always the problem?
My cousins bypass surgery is scheduled for the same way, and if all goes well we should be sharing a room in the hospital. My mother is also planning to be there, which surprises the hell out of me. I truly don't believe my mother has left the house since my car accident on November 14, 2009. I will be impressed and very touched.
That being said I'm also so worried her being at the hospital will just be annoying. She is so dependent on others and my sister will already have her hands full. At first I really wanted my aunt to be there because next to my mother, she is the closest thing I have to that role. However, there is some family stuff going on right now and I don't know if I still feel that way. I want my mom there to stroke my hair or make the nurses tow the line if needed. Instead, she'll just need to be pushed around in a wheelchair that will probably resemble a stretcher. *sigh*
Deep down, I can't help but hope that her watching me go through this process will jump start her brain and make her want to change. Supposedly she has a doctor appointment in two days, but who knows if she will follow through with it. Like I said, it's been almost two years since she has left the house.
If anyone is reading this, please pray for my mother, maybe with more prayers something will change?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Dying to be thin?
Not sure why I gave this entry that title, but I like the way it flows.
Life is really crazy right now. I'm so busy all day at work and my nights are dedicated to homework. I'm 48 days away from surgery.
Yesterday was my physical with my PCP and boy oh boy. I'm tired of being weighed and poked with needles. Although, yesterday did mark the second scale in a doctors office to say I've lost four pounds. So, maybe I really have lost four? I'm so nervous to go to the surgeons office on Tuesday and get on their scale. What if their scale says I haven't lost any weight?
I am happy to report that I shouldn't be having any more blood work done until December 2 when I have my pre-op blood work done. PHEW!! I was really starting to feel like a pin cushion- and needles and I do NOT get along! I actually cried in the doctors office when it was time for my flu and pneumonia shots. Cried like a baby. And then Jessica made the mistake of telling me that the IV needle will be bigger/worse than the needle they use when you donate blood.
I don't know what my issue with needles is about. The blood doesn't bother me. It really is just the needle! Glinting silver that is designed to slide right through your skin and rob your body of its life substance. I HATE THEM! They are rapers of veins everywhere!!
I ordered a video camera so I can start vlogging on YouTube. I'm excited to do that. I've watched so many inspiring stories on YouTube that I can't wait to add mine to the mix.
I sure wish I knew if people were reading this blog or not. Doesn't really matter, it helps me to write it down.
Life is really crazy right now. I'm so busy all day at work and my nights are dedicated to homework. I'm 48 days away from surgery.
Yesterday was my physical with my PCP and boy oh boy. I'm tired of being weighed and poked with needles. Although, yesterday did mark the second scale in a doctors office to say I've lost four pounds. So, maybe I really have lost four? I'm so nervous to go to the surgeons office on Tuesday and get on their scale. What if their scale says I haven't lost any weight?
I am happy to report that I shouldn't be having any more blood work done until December 2 when I have my pre-op blood work done. PHEW!! I was really starting to feel like a pin cushion- and needles and I do NOT get along! I actually cried in the doctors office when it was time for my flu and pneumonia shots. Cried like a baby. And then Jessica made the mistake of telling me that the IV needle will be bigger/worse than the needle they use when you donate blood.
I don't know what my issue with needles is about. The blood doesn't bother me. It really is just the needle! Glinting silver that is designed to slide right through your skin and rob your body of its life substance. I HATE THEM! They are rapers of veins everywhere!!
I ordered a video camera so I can start vlogging on YouTube. I'm excited to do that. I've watched so many inspiring stories on YouTube that I can't wait to add mine to the mix.
I sure wish I knew if people were reading this blog or not. Doesn't really matter, it helps me to write it down.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
December 8, 2011
Yesterday I spoke with my surgeons coordinator and while I was giving her the dates for all of the clearance appointments she suggested we look at the calendar for a possible surgery date. Originally we looked at 12/1 and 12/2, but I decided on 12/8 so that my insurance has plenty of time to approve it after my last nutrition appointment on 11/28.
Yesterday we also scheduled my surgery class, last appointment with the doctor and a time for me to go in for my pre-surgery lab work. I thought I would be so super excited that I'd be jumping up and down, but instead I sort of feel just like "okay."
When I was sharing my feelings with my wonderful sister Jessica she was like that's because it is still 58 (now 57) days away. (Thank you iphone countdown app!) And all I could really think about was someday, when a warm wrapped baby is placed in my arms and I am gazing in to his/her face for the first time being over come with that love you hear mothers talk about, I'm going to remember December 8, 2011 as the date that made that possible.
Yesterday we also scheduled my surgery class, last appointment with the doctor and a time for me to go in for my pre-surgery lab work. I thought I would be so super excited that I'd be jumping up and down, but instead I sort of feel just like "okay."
When I was sharing my feelings with my wonderful sister Jessica she was like that's because it is still 58 (now 57) days away. (Thank you iphone countdown app!) And all I could really think about was someday, when a warm wrapped baby is placed in my arms and I am gazing in to his/her face for the first time being over come with that love you hear mothers talk about, I'm going to remember December 8, 2011 as the date that made that possible.
