Ahhhhh!! Why does life keep throwing fast balls? What happened to the old saying "Slow and steady wins the race??" It sure doesn't feel that way these days.
We changed the clocks ahead last night. It's going to be 60 degrees today. I've got laundry going in the washer right now so it can be hung on the line. Chicken chili all in the crockpot for later today. About to start working on some homework, and try and survive ANOTHER round of period cramps.
On top of my 6th period in 3 months, the multivitamin that I was sold BY MY DOCTORS OFFICE, was the wrong vitamin and didn't have iron in it. They sold me the vitamin that is for bypass patients. How did this even really come to realization? Well, on two different occasions I was given two different bottles. I called and the mistake was realized then, but I figured I would just finish out the bottle of the wrong vitamins before starting the right ones. I only had a little over a week left of the wrong bottle.
Well, fast forward a few days later, I'm reading the textbook for my Essentials of Human Nutrition class and we are going over micro and macro-nutrients. Iron falls under these categories. Guess what signs of iron defecieny are? Hair loss, fatigue, mood swings, light headedness. Yup. I'm really just very unhappy with the doctors office at this point and I'm really considering looking into switching to a different office if they will take me on so soon after surgery. Vitamins aren't something you should play with on a bariatric patient. The doctor told me it was fine to take the vitamins I was on prior to surgery at my six week check up. Well, I was taking a one a day. Nutrition appoinment comes around at 2.5 months and she about died when she heard I was taking a one a day. Well, she is the one who told the girl at the front desk which vitamin to sell me. She went into the closet they keep the vitamins in and handed the front desk girl the vitamin.
My hair is falling out by the HANDFULLS! My part is already getting wider. And I know this is a part of the surgery, but I can't help thinking it might not have been this bad had I been taking the correct vitamins from the start. I also don't like how when I tried talking with the doctor about these things at my three month checkup he just wrote it off as depression. I think that is a sign of a BAD doctor. He didn't look into seeing if there were underlying causes and he should have.
My new insurance card came in yesterday, so I'll be getting my blood work done one day this week finally.... Until then, I'm pushing protein and green leafy vegetables. I even bought me some beef liver because in my textbook I learned it is the best source of ingestable iron.
So my friends, any good liver recipes? I usually like chicken liver when my second dad makes it. MMM!
And then MEN! UGH! Confusion freaking city! I make a vow to stay single and they come climbing out of the wood pile like sailors who have been out at sea for a year.
And then my grandmother. Dad and I picked her up from the airport. She was happy as hell to see us. I'm still not sure how I feel about all that, but I'm glad she is back in NY and safe from dumb bitch who married a child molester knowingly and said child molester. I'm getting mad all over again as I type it.
So, I'm gonna go hang some clothes on the line and enjoy some fresh air... Maybe even take Gypsy for walk!!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
New day, new leaf (Caution, there's swearing involved)
Weighing in this morning at 245.4!! How exciting is that! My official way in is tomorrow morning, so hopefully it may be even less than that!
I had my three month follow up this week. Spoke with the doctor about my mood swings and he kept calling it depression. But it isn't depression. I've been depressed before- all those things that got me up to 310 pounds to begin with! I explained about how messed up my cycle is and then his story slightly changed that is is mostly hormones but was I feeling depressed? I told him NO! I feel irritated and overwhelmed. To which he suggested I talk to a shrink and see if maybe they wanted to put my on something temporarily. WTC? (What the chicken)
I don't like the thought of taking pills to deal with my feelings. I feel like things wont be any different once you stop taking the pills, and you will just have exposed your body to all that junk that it didn't need in the first place. He told me that's why I should continue to see the shrink while on the meds so that they can help me work through my issues. Whatever. Waste of my time even bringing it up. And then the appointment really turned out to be a waste of time because they couldn't get a vein to do the three month blood work. *sigh*
This week at work was okay. Nothing major to really complain about. School was okay, although I forgot about the last part of an assignment before it was due, but I don't think it'll amount to much of a grade deduction.
So that brings us up to speed to today. March 3, 2012. My only living grandparent is moving back to NY today. My father and I are picking her up from the airport around 3:30. I'm so TOTALLY not sure how I feel about this. Fourteen years ago when I was barely 12she moved to Colorado to be with my fathers sister and her husband and kids. At 12 all I knew was that Nana was leaving and we wouldn't have any more fun sleep overs and sneak out of the house on the weekends to go get jelly donuts. At 12 all I knew was that the only grandparent I'd ever really had was leaving. Sure at that point I still had both grandparents on my mothers side, but my sister and I were little more than my father's half-breeds- not the children of their daughter. And there was a bunch of family drama and we didn't really talk to those grandparents from the ages of 8 to about 16... But this isn't about them, this is about Nana.
In the 14 years she was gone there was basically no communication. My father tried calling in the beginning only to feel rejected and like his attention was not welcome, so eventually he stopped trying. Who could blame him, right? I was about 15 at this point and was over the idea of grandparents. I'd see my friends with their grandparents and knew how jipped I was so I didn't want anything to do with any of them. They didn't want anything to do with me after all.
Then my father's sister turns into some spastic junky retard (the names are omitted to protect peoples privacy, because what I would really like to put is "woman who doesn't put her children first and decided to stay married to a child molester") Oh snap! I guess I said it after all.. Anyway..... So then last month she tells my father that until he "comes clean" about stuff a psychic!!!!! put in her head she isn't going to let him talk to his mother. Well, that just made my father very determined to talk to his mother after YEARS of no contact. Problem was, we had no phone numbers and this bitch literally moved my grandmother like over six times in 10 years or something like that. So- that was my que because I've been itching to get even with this dumb bitch for some stuff she tried to pull last year...
Now, I work in healthcare. Meaning I have access to databases that will tell me literally ANYTHING on just about ANYONE. And actually, is available to the public, it's just that the public doesn't know about it... But go check out the database accurint, you'll see what I mean. So I ended up with a complete list of address and phone numbers the bitch, her husband, and my grandmother have lived at since they all first got to Colorado. ChaCHING BIATCH!
So, my father gets a hold of my grandmother and low and behold- she wants to come home. Say what??? So my dad and my aunt Debbie get together, move a bunch of mountains and aunt Debbie is it CO right now about to get on a plain to bring her home.
I told my Dad I would take him to the airport to pick them both up and we would drive them home. The problem is, that for the last almost 10 years since my other Gma died, I've considered myself grandparent-less. I've made my peace with it, I'm comfortable with it and I don't know if I want to open myself up to this.
The 27 year old woman in me is able to rationalize what went on. My grandmother had a stroke and became pretty dependent on others. I think she felt like a burden, mostly to my aunt Debbie so she decided on a change of scenery and moved to CO with the scum bitch. Scum bitch and Company at some point ended up taking most of her social security money and told her no one here wanted her.... Which isn't true. My father and aunt Debbie (they're twins by the way) are so ecstatic to have her back it's been cute listening to them on the phone with each other ever night making plans. (And maybe a little irritating since they tend to speak in some weird twin language that sounds a lot like a grunt language.)
So here I am first thing in the morning unable to sleep, unable to decide if I made a mistake doing this for my father. I want to make him happy and give back to him just a smidge of all the hard work and sacrificing he has done for me over the years and still does every day. (I'm a total daddy's girl... still.) But I really don't think I want a grand parent. I don't want to open myself up to it and all that comes with it. I mean this woman literally wouldn't recognize me if we passed each other on the street. And I REALLY didn't want her to see me for like at least another six months and most of the weight was off.
I remember her staying with us for a weekend after the stroke and Jessica, Nana and I watched a movie while eating some sort of party chip mix, then went for a walk, came back and Jessica went to grab a handfull more of the party mix and Nana said "you're gonna eat again?" Now- I was MAYBE 11 at this point... But for some reason that moment sticks out in my mind so much and now I have to go pick her up from the airport looking like a fat blob. She doesn't know that I've lost over 60 pounds recently or struggled so badly with my weight I turned to WLS. She doesn't know three months ago I was wearing 22s and that yesterday I got to wear 16s for the first time. And now instead of feeling joy over that accomplishment I'm kind of feeling like "Oh boy, it just isn't good enough or enough period."
I don' know what to do. I'm gonna do my hair, put on my makeup, rock those 16s and go support my father. That's what I'm gonna do. And I know she is an old woman of 77 and I am a 27 year old woman, but I'm taking my que from her. I'll give her the respect that my mother taught me to treat the elderly with, but honestly- she's nothing more than a stranger to me.
I had my three month follow up this week. Spoke with the doctor about my mood swings and he kept calling it depression. But it isn't depression. I've been depressed before- all those things that got me up to 310 pounds to begin with! I explained about how messed up my cycle is and then his story slightly changed that is is mostly hormones but was I feeling depressed? I told him NO! I feel irritated and overwhelmed. To which he suggested I talk to a shrink and see if maybe they wanted to put my on something temporarily. WTC? (What the chicken)
I don't like the thought of taking pills to deal with my feelings. I feel like things wont be any different once you stop taking the pills, and you will just have exposed your body to all that junk that it didn't need in the first place. He told me that's why I should continue to see the shrink while on the meds so that they can help me work through my issues. Whatever. Waste of my time even bringing it up. And then the appointment really turned out to be a waste of time because they couldn't get a vein to do the three month blood work. *sigh*
This week at work was okay. Nothing major to really complain about. School was okay, although I forgot about the last part of an assignment before it was due, but I don't think it'll amount to much of a grade deduction.
So that brings us up to speed to today. March 3, 2012. My only living grandparent is moving back to NY today. My father and I are picking her up from the airport around 3:30. I'm so TOTALLY not sure how I feel about this. Fourteen years ago when I was barely 12she moved to Colorado to be with my fathers sister and her husband and kids. At 12 all I knew was that Nana was leaving and we wouldn't have any more fun sleep overs and sneak out of the house on the weekends to go get jelly donuts. At 12 all I knew was that the only grandparent I'd ever really had was leaving. Sure at that point I still had both grandparents on my mothers side, but my sister and I were little more than my father's half-breeds- not the children of their daughter. And there was a bunch of family drama and we didn't really talk to those grandparents from the ages of 8 to about 16... But this isn't about them, this is about Nana.
In the 14 years she was gone there was basically no communication. My father tried calling in the beginning only to feel rejected and like his attention was not welcome, so eventually he stopped trying. Who could blame him, right? I was about 15 at this point and was over the idea of grandparents. I'd see my friends with their grandparents and knew how jipped I was so I didn't want anything to do with any of them. They didn't want anything to do with me after all.
Then my father's sister turns into some spastic junky retard (the names are omitted to protect peoples privacy, because what I would really like to put is "woman who doesn't put her children first and decided to stay married to a child molester") Oh snap! I guess I said it after all.. Anyway..... So then last month she tells my father that until he "comes clean" about stuff a psychic!!!!! put in her head she isn't going to let him talk to his mother. Well, that just made my father very determined to talk to his mother after YEARS of no contact. Problem was, we had no phone numbers and this bitch literally moved my grandmother like over six times in 10 years or something like that. So- that was my que because I've been itching to get even with this dumb bitch for some stuff she tried to pull last year...
Now, I work in healthcare. Meaning I have access to databases that will tell me literally ANYTHING on just about ANYONE. And actually, is available to the public, it's just that the public doesn't know about it... But go check out the database accurint, you'll see what I mean. So I ended up with a complete list of address and phone numbers the bitch, her husband, and my grandmother have lived at since they all first got to Colorado. ChaCHING BIATCH!
So, my father gets a hold of my grandmother and low and behold- she wants to come home. Say what??? So my dad and my aunt Debbie get together, move a bunch of mountains and aunt Debbie is it CO right now about to get on a plain to bring her home.
I told my Dad I would take him to the airport to pick them both up and we would drive them home. The problem is, that for the last almost 10 years since my other Gma died, I've considered myself grandparent-less. I've made my peace with it, I'm comfortable with it and I don't know if I want to open myself up to this.
The 27 year old woman in me is able to rationalize what went on. My grandmother had a stroke and became pretty dependent on others. I think she felt like a burden, mostly to my aunt Debbie so she decided on a change of scenery and moved to CO with the scum bitch. Scum bitch and Company at some point ended up taking most of her social security money and told her no one here wanted her.... Which isn't true. My father and aunt Debbie (they're twins by the way) are so ecstatic to have her back it's been cute listening to them on the phone with each other ever night making plans. (And maybe a little irritating since they tend to speak in some weird twin language that sounds a lot like a grunt language.)
So here I am first thing in the morning unable to sleep, unable to decide if I made a mistake doing this for my father. I want to make him happy and give back to him just a smidge of all the hard work and sacrificing he has done for me over the years and still does every day. (I'm a total daddy's girl... still.) But I really don't think I want a grand parent. I don't want to open myself up to it and all that comes with it. I mean this woman literally wouldn't recognize me if we passed each other on the street. And I REALLY didn't want her to see me for like at least another six months and most of the weight was off.
I remember her staying with us for a weekend after the stroke and Jessica, Nana and I watched a movie while eating some sort of party chip mix, then went for a walk, came back and Jessica went to grab a handfull more of the party mix and Nana said "you're gonna eat again?" Now- I was MAYBE 11 at this point... But for some reason that moment sticks out in my mind so much and now I have to go pick her up from the airport looking like a fat blob. She doesn't know that I've lost over 60 pounds recently or struggled so badly with my weight I turned to WLS. She doesn't know three months ago I was wearing 22s and that yesterday I got to wear 16s for the first time. And now instead of feeling joy over that accomplishment I'm kind of feeling like "Oh boy, it just isn't good enough or enough period."
I don' know what to do. I'm gonna do my hair, put on my makeup, rock those 16s and go support my father. That's what I'm gonna do. And I know she is an old woman of 77 and I am a 27 year old woman, but I'm taking my que from her. I'll give her the respect that my mother taught me to treat the elderly with, but honestly- she's nothing more than a stranger to me.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Giving up on school..... (I wish!)
Immediately after high school I did a semester at the local community college. Then I got a job as a hair stylist and I was convinced I was the next Paul Mitchell and didn't need college, so I stopped going.
Then in 2005 our home burned down and I needed to be making a lot more money then I could working my way up the ladder of the hair world. So I got a desk job.
The next eight years I constantly heard about what a mistake it was to leave college, how I was wasting my potential... How others wished they had the same opportunities I gave up.. blah blah. As if working three jobs for a year to help my family recover from the fire didn't show me how miserable it is to have piddly puddly jobs. As if being screamed at so badly by my boss I literally had to wipe his spit off of my face didn't teach me that an education was essential. As if not being able to afford living on my own hasn't taught me I need to earn more money. (Well, at this point I could live on my own, but life is sort of just more comfortable this way. Plus I can't see paying all that money for rent to literally just sleep some place.)
So, when this online program started with BYU-Idaho I was thrilled. It was the answer to prayers I wasn't willing to let anyone know I'd been praying for. And at $65/credit- it is cheaper than community college! For a year once I week a met with a group of other students just like me who wanted more for their lives and futures and we helped each other through the classwork assigned that week. After that year- that part of the program ended and now we're on our own. Which is cool, towards the end having to fit in those weekly meetings was a pain! And just as they were winding down I was starting the process for my surgery.
Well, here I am- my second semester all on my own. I need a quiet place that I can go to for studying. The local library closes at 6pm, which is just about the time I could get there from leaving work at 5. I have a few friends who would let me go to their houses to study, but they are either a) so far away or b) come with strings I'm not interested in. I just feel like for so long I was brow beaten about school that now that I'm finally doing it they are making it as difficult as possible to do any of it.
Of course I'd love to have the time to take ACTUAL classes and learn in a classroom. It'd be easier then trying to calm my brain down and block out noise of a family living life every night when I try to do homework. It'd be better than waking up at 5:30 in the morning so I can have a quiet hour to try and get some stuff done before it's time to start my day. And the noise is all over the most ridiculous stuff too!
My mother has to find something to pick about EVERYDAY! And my father just makes it worse by just not giving her her way to begin with. She always gets what she wants- why not just give it to her and keep her quiet? I love my mother with all my heart- but most days I REALLY don't like her. And I feel A LOT of guilt over that.
And then throw in all these raging hormones being released by my body as I lose the fat. I'm a raging nut! Just like my mother! UGH!!
I need therapy!!
Then in 2005 our home burned down and I needed to be making a lot more money then I could working my way up the ladder of the hair world. So I got a desk job.
The next eight years I constantly heard about what a mistake it was to leave college, how I was wasting my potential... How others wished they had the same opportunities I gave up.. blah blah. As if working three jobs for a year to help my family recover from the fire didn't show me how miserable it is to have piddly puddly jobs. As if being screamed at so badly by my boss I literally had to wipe his spit off of my face didn't teach me that an education was essential. As if not being able to afford living on my own hasn't taught me I need to earn more money. (Well, at this point I could live on my own, but life is sort of just more comfortable this way. Plus I can't see paying all that money for rent to literally just sleep some place.)
So, when this online program started with BYU-Idaho I was thrilled. It was the answer to prayers I wasn't willing to let anyone know I'd been praying for. And at $65/credit- it is cheaper than community college! For a year once I week a met with a group of other students just like me who wanted more for their lives and futures and we helped each other through the classwork assigned that week. After that year- that part of the program ended and now we're on our own. Which is cool, towards the end having to fit in those weekly meetings was a pain! And just as they were winding down I was starting the process for my surgery.
Well, here I am- my second semester all on my own. I need a quiet place that I can go to for studying. The local library closes at 6pm, which is just about the time I could get there from leaving work at 5. I have a few friends who would let me go to their houses to study, but they are either a) so far away or b) come with strings I'm not interested in. I just feel like for so long I was brow beaten about school that now that I'm finally doing it they are making it as difficult as possible to do any of it.
Of course I'd love to have the time to take ACTUAL classes and learn in a classroom. It'd be easier then trying to calm my brain down and block out noise of a family living life every night when I try to do homework. It'd be better than waking up at 5:30 in the morning so I can have a quiet hour to try and get some stuff done before it's time to start my day. And the noise is all over the most ridiculous stuff too!
My mother has to find something to pick about EVERYDAY! And my father just makes it worse by just not giving her her way to begin with. She always gets what she wants- why not just give it to her and keep her quiet? I love my mother with all my heart- but most days I REALLY don't like her. And I feel A LOT of guilt over that.
And then throw in all these raging hormones being released by my body as I lose the fat. I'm a raging nut! Just like my mother! UGH!!
I need therapy!!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I wish I felt like "There's no place like home."......
Ya know, getting past what I wanted for this weekend... It was really more what I needed... But instead my house is loud, and the door is constantly opening and closing with the arrival and departure of the next round of company. There is no quiet, there is no peace... There is no anything...
And then someone shows up who tries to take over EVERYTHING and it all has to be what HE is saying, what HE wants to talk about, what HE wants for dinner, what HE blah blah blah.. You get the picture. I'm so (#&*($(* tired of it! I love my family- I really do. But sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by the most selfish and inconsiderate people on earth. I work all day long, I come home I do homework. Sometimes I try to cook a meal and do a load of laundry and MAYBE just MAYBE I might get to do some LIGHT cleaning before I pass out. The weekends were my re-coop time and pretty much since I went back to work 2 weeks post op it's been non-stop running and racing on weekends too. Be it homework, shopping (needed shopping, not WANTED shopping), WLS seminar speaking, hanging out with this one or that one and laundry and all the housework I neglected during the week....
And then I have someone who I am REALLY REALLY close to and love spending time with and can't imagine my life without her- but she doesn't work and is so desperate to do stuff with someone on the weekends and I admit sometimes I'm afraid to say no because of past reactions when I have said no. I get responses like "Oh, but if it was so and so wanting to do blah blah you'd do it."
I just need a place to vent! And there isn't anyone to vent to. I have a paper due tomorrow night that I have to finish tonight because I have plans for something I WANT to do tomorrow night so I can't finish it after work. Scheduled dinner guests are set to arrive in an hour, and the unwanted controlling thinks he has control over everything because everyone always gives him his way ass hole just walked in with his wife and daughter. Now- I don't particularly care of his wife- but whatever I can handle it.. But I do really love his little girl- she is precious and I love playing with her. I just can't take the complete lack of respect/interest for the things I have to do...
I'm gonna have to start just staying late at the office to do homework. Lug the laptop with me and after hours when the phones get shut off it is quiet and I can focus on the things I need to do because it ain't happening at home.
And then someone shows up who tries to take over EVERYTHING and it all has to be what HE is saying, what HE wants to talk about, what HE wants for dinner, what HE blah blah blah.. You get the picture. I'm so (#&*($(* tired of it! I love my family- I really do. But sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by the most selfish and inconsiderate people on earth. I work all day long, I come home I do homework. Sometimes I try to cook a meal and do a load of laundry and MAYBE just MAYBE I might get to do some LIGHT cleaning before I pass out. The weekends were my re-coop time and pretty much since I went back to work 2 weeks post op it's been non-stop running and racing on weekends too. Be it homework, shopping (needed shopping, not WANTED shopping), WLS seminar speaking, hanging out with this one or that one and laundry and all the housework I neglected during the week....
And then I have someone who I am REALLY REALLY close to and love spending time with and can't imagine my life without her- but she doesn't work and is so desperate to do stuff with someone on the weekends and I admit sometimes I'm afraid to say no because of past reactions when I have said no. I get responses like "Oh, but if it was so and so wanting to do blah blah you'd do it."
I just need a place to vent! And there isn't anyone to vent to. I have a paper due tomorrow night that I have to finish tonight because I have plans for something I WANT to do tomorrow night so I can't finish it after work. Scheduled dinner guests are set to arrive in an hour, and the unwanted controlling thinks he has control over everything because everyone always gives him his way ass hole just walked in with his wife and daughter. Now- I don't particularly care of his wife- but whatever I can handle it.. But I do really love his little girl- she is precious and I love playing with her. I just can't take the complete lack of respect/interest for the things I have to do...
I'm gonna have to start just staying late at the office to do homework. Lug the laptop with me and after hours when the phones get shut off it is quiet and I can focus on the things I need to do because it ain't happening at home.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Birthday gift..... 2 years later.
So 2 years ago my girlies finally got together and got me a gift certificate to my favorite salon... All those years of doing their hair and now it was my turn!!
Only thing is I only ever had two hair cuts on the gift certificate. I've been wanting highlights the whole time but i didn't have time or the rest of the money to put towards it or really even remember it!!!
Well I am typing this blog as I sit under the hood dryer with foils in my hair!!
How is this WLS related? My hair dresser is starting the process for lap and in 3 weeks!! She started last year before me and ended up pregnant. She is actually the first person that ever really for me considering WLS. She just came back from maternity leave and was so excited to learn I'd had Vsg. She asked me a zillion questions I was happy to answer.
So now all that is left to do today is the hair cut, a pit stop to pick up breaking dawn part I and my pjs, bed, and I have a date for a twilight marathon!
Only thing is I only ever had two hair cuts on the gift certificate. I've been wanting highlights the whole time but i didn't have time or the rest of the money to put towards it or really even remember it!!!
Well I am typing this blog as I sit under the hood dryer with foils in my hair!!
How is this WLS related? My hair dresser is starting the process for lap and in 3 weeks!! She started last year before me and ended up pregnant. She is actually the first person that ever really for me considering WLS. She just came back from maternity leave and was so excited to learn I'd had Vsg. She asked me a zillion questions I was happy to answer.
So now all that is left to do today is the hair cut, a pit stop to pick up breaking dawn part I and my pjs, bed, and I have a date for a twilight marathon!
Friday, February 10, 2012
I'm gonna get whiney with it....
I try really hard not to whine because when people around me are whining I tend to just hear "BLAH BLAH BLAH" sort of like the Charlie Brown cartoon.
I'm tired... I'm so freakin tired in my bones! I take my vitamins, I get in my protein (I think. I need to be better about tracking.) But going to bed at midnight, falling asleep around 1 and getting up at 6 is taking its toll on my post-op reduced calorie body. It isn't all surgery related.. In fact I'd say the surgery has made it easier to have the energy I *DO* have!
I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. Work, school, family, friends, boys! Yes- I said boys. Between two gentlemen friend and now knowing Nick needs a shoulder... I just don't know how to do it all.
And honestly, aside from maybe getting my hair done tomorrow, my goal for this weekend is to not take a shower! I said it! I'm gonna stay home in pjs, do my laundry and school work, and watch TV in bed. ALL WEEKEND!
So no people- I don't want to go to the mall, I don't want to go get a pedicure- I don't want to ride to dunkin donuts, I don't want to come over for dinner.... I don't particularly want you to come over for dinner either. I just need quiet and rest. GOT THAT?!?!?
Here is my week 9 video.. Just because.
I'm tired... I'm so freakin tired in my bones! I take my vitamins, I get in my protein (I think. I need to be better about tracking.) But going to bed at midnight, falling asleep around 1 and getting up at 6 is taking its toll on my post-op reduced calorie body. It isn't all surgery related.. In fact I'd say the surgery has made it easier to have the energy I *DO* have!
I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. Work, school, family, friends, boys! Yes- I said boys. Between two gentlemen friend and now knowing Nick needs a shoulder... I just don't know how to do it all.
And honestly, aside from maybe getting my hair done tomorrow, my goal for this weekend is to not take a shower! I said it! I'm gonna stay home in pjs, do my laundry and school work, and watch TV in bed. ALL WEEKEND!
So no people- I don't want to go to the mall, I don't want to go get a pedicure- I don't want to ride to dunkin donuts, I don't want to come over for dinner.... I don't particularly want you to come over for dinner either. I just need quiet and rest. GOT THAT?!?!?
Here is my week 9 video.. Just because.
Why did I go with VSG? Watch the video below to find out.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Bad blogger
So I've been a bad blogger... I'd say it's because I enjoy doing my vlog more- which is true- but I haven't even updated that in over a week. I've been busy as can be with school and trying to regain a shred of a personal life. I've started going to bingo with Noel on Friday nights. I feel kind of lame going because I'm a single 27 year old spending my Friday nights playing bingo with my cousin. We're supposed to do that when we have grandkids- not before I have kids!
Reconnected with an old friend Jim whom I haven't really talked to much in the last two years. He was a friend I met while dating the ex (we call him Commander and Chief F***tard or King of all F***tards) that ripped my heart out- so for awhile being around him was too hard. Then Jim went through some stuff and we talked a bit here and there and he shared with me the reason he stopped talking with Commander and Chief F***tard (CaCFT) was because of me..... It sounds like such a line but I know with Jim that it isn't. He is a very genuine man. If he wasn't almost 40- divorced with kids I'd possibly be interested in him. Well- mostly just if he didn't have the kids.. I don't care about the age..... That and he has hair longer than mine- a no no in this previous hairdressers book! So he and I have plans to go out for dinner one night this week and play catch up. He doesn't know about my surgery so it should be interesting. I do weight less then I did the last time he saw me so hopefully I can just order some soup and say I'm on WeightWatchers or something... Then again, Jim is so easy to be around I will probably share with him. He'll be happy for me.
Along with catching up with Jim came the topic of dating because he knew how badly I was hurt by CaCFT and took time off from dating. I've had these thoughts bouncing around in my head for a few weeks that there is something missing from my life and that maybe I was ready to start dating again. Then last week I started having FUN! My life is getting FUN! WITHOUT a man! I feel like the ugly duckling becoming a swan or the ugly caterpillar morphing into a beautiful butterfly. I can't describe how I feel inside... Happy and peaceful and... content? I feel like good things are starting to finally happen- and I don't want a man getting involved! For the first time EVER I'm happy this way WITHOUT a boyfriend!! I just want to enjoy being me and finding out who this new happier Danielle is. So- no dating :)
Technically I celebrated my 50 pound loss last week by wearing my new Coach sneakers.... But then I got this awesome email from the Coach Factory Outlet saying that I was invited to their invitation only once a year spring sale.... Ught oh! Now- I have to add- unbeknownst to most when I quit smoking for my surgery I sort of started taking money I would have spent on cigarettes and tucking it away.. My mad money if you will... Well, that rainy day was upon me!!
I know what you must be thinking- this girl just blew like $600 or $700 on Coach stuff... WRONG!! Try like less than $300!! How could I not! I have an addiction to Coach stuff now- I swear. And I don't have to break this habit because it isn't going to kill me the way cigarettes were doing.. Literally.
So I had a few other awesome finds this week...
It says it is an anti-aging lotion- but really it's just full of yummy goodness for you skin. It's quite luxerious feeling and matching the body wash VSGTanya2011 shared in her VLOG. I love it. You should go out and love it too!!
Then on another blog I follow Ready To Realize Stacey shared this product I happened to find at Price Chopper...
It's kind of high in carbs for us VSGers... But I only take a few sips at a time and I enjoy it as a treat. I still have 3/4ths of the bottle and I bought it Tuesday night. They have a few other variety flavors but I wouldn't really be interested in them.
Well, anyway- to continue the 50 pounds thing.. I'm going with Noel today to celebrate her 50 pound milestone. We're going to the Clinique counter at Macy's for makeovers, then we're going to get pedicures and our nails done. After that we'll be coming back to my house to help celebrate my mothers 56th birthday. We're making diabetic/WLS yummies because everyone in the family who will be here is either a WLS patient, a hopefull WLS patient, or diabetic- so healthy food it'll be!
Hope you all have a fabulous week- but I've been updating you all in my bathrobe fresh out of the shower and I'm freezing- so time to blow dry my hair.
Toodles!
Reconnected with an old friend Jim whom I haven't really talked to much in the last two years. He was a friend I met while dating the ex (we call him Commander and Chief F***tard or King of all F***tards) that ripped my heart out- so for awhile being around him was too hard. Then Jim went through some stuff and we talked a bit here and there and he shared with me the reason he stopped talking with Commander and Chief F***tard (CaCFT) was because of me..... It sounds like such a line but I know with Jim that it isn't. He is a very genuine man. If he wasn't almost 40- divorced with kids I'd possibly be interested in him. Well- mostly just if he didn't have the kids.. I don't care about the age..... That and he has hair longer than mine- a no no in this previous hairdressers book! So he and I have plans to go out for dinner one night this week and play catch up. He doesn't know about my surgery so it should be interesting. I do weight less then I did the last time he saw me so hopefully I can just order some soup and say I'm on WeightWatchers or something... Then again, Jim is so easy to be around I will probably share with him. He'll be happy for me.
Along with catching up with Jim came the topic of dating because he knew how badly I was hurt by CaCFT and took time off from dating. I've had these thoughts bouncing around in my head for a few weeks that there is something missing from my life and that maybe I was ready to start dating again. Then last week I started having FUN! My life is getting FUN! WITHOUT a man! I feel like the ugly duckling becoming a swan or the ugly caterpillar morphing into a beautiful butterfly. I can't describe how I feel inside... Happy and peaceful and... content? I feel like good things are starting to finally happen- and I don't want a man getting involved! For the first time EVER I'm happy this way WITHOUT a boyfriend!! I just want to enjoy being me and finding out who this new happier Danielle is. So- no dating :)
Technically I celebrated my 50 pound loss last week by wearing my new Coach sneakers.... But then I got this awesome email from the Coach Factory Outlet saying that I was invited to their invitation only once a year spring sale.... Ught oh! Now- I have to add- unbeknownst to most when I quit smoking for my surgery I sort of started taking money I would have spent on cigarettes and tucking it away.. My mad money if you will... Well, that rainy day was upon me!!
So I had a few other awesome finds this week...
Then on another blog I follow Ready To Realize Stacey shared this product I happened to find at Price Chopper...
Well, anyway- to continue the 50 pounds thing.. I'm going with Noel today to celebrate her 50 pound milestone. We're going to the Clinique counter at Macy's for makeovers, then we're going to get pedicures and our nails done. After that we'll be coming back to my house to help celebrate my mothers 56th birthday. We're making diabetic/WLS yummies because everyone in the family who will be here is either a WLS patient, a hopefull WLS patient, or diabetic- so healthy food it'll be!
Hope you all have a fabulous week- but I've been updating you all in my bathrobe fresh out of the shower and I'm freezing- so time to blow dry my hair.
Toodles!
