My VSG Journey: Changes

So today begins yet another round of changes in my life. As if the last two years haven't been filled with them. But these are good changes. Changes that are supposed to take place as one grows into adulthood and begins new chapters.

But, I'm a little scared. Maybe scared isn't the right word. Perhaps nervous is better. I'm not sure.

Two weeks ago Adam and I signed lease papers on a tiny two bedroom apartment. Today we are moving him in and I will join him after the wedding. Yup, old fashioned Danielle strikes again.

Last night we rented a Uhaul van and drove it to his mom's house to load all of his belongings up to cart off to our apartment. It's barely seven o'clock in the morning and I didn't sleep very well last night and then I had a leg cramp at six and sleep was forgotten.

So here I sit down stairs at his mom's in the quiet of the morning with time to reflect. In 34 days my life will change completely, when I become Adam's wife. I will be moving out of my parents home and beginning my life as a wife. This is how things are supposed to happen. I've shared a little bit of my nerves with Adam but not too much because I don't want him to think I'm having second thoughts.

I admit for awhile when things were going all wrong I was so overwhelmed I wondered if it was God's way of telling me this isn't right. Things at work are a mess. We're so short staffed and everyone is on a short fuse there. I'm constantly worrying in the back of my mind if I'm about to lose my job or not, and he Adam and I are taking on more financial responsibility.

We've got the rent for May covered but I've been stressing how we are to save for June and still finish paying for the wedding. We really do live paycheck to paycheck right now, probably like most young couples our age. So there is stress about money. I had a physical in March so I could get my birth control renewed and had some irregular test results come back and have to go for some more extensive testing two weeks before the wedding. I'm scared about that but the doctor assures me it's nothing to worry about, just something they want to keep an eye on. It's still scary though. And then on top of all this.... The check engine light came on in my car.

The good news with the car is that it's covered by the warranty and I only have to spend my time getting it fixed, no actual money. But, back to my point. The night the check engine light came on I was freaked out. It was the night Adam bowls in a league and he had bowling to keep him occupied while I just had time to sit and stress more and more. All these thoughts came into my head wondering if it was a sign from God that this shouldn't be happening. The thoughts felt all wrong and I felt guilty for having them.

I went outside and was texting with my sister Jessica when I had the thought that it isn't God trying to keep Adam and I apart. God would never want two people who are committed to each other to abandon that commitment. It was Satan/Lucifer/The Devil (whatever you will) trying to keep us apart because it IS what God wants for Adam and I. This incredible feeling of peace came over me and I've had no doubts since then. If Satan is trying so hard to keep us apart there must be a reason for it. I don't need to know the reason however. I just need to remember that Adam and I are supposed to be together and we will fight through it all.

I had my bridal shower last weekend. We are so blessed to have the friends and family that we do. With all the gifts we received our kitchen is stocked full of needed items and my new wife wish of my own towels came true. Adam couldn't really understand why the towels and washcloths he had weren't good enough for me. But to put it simply without sounding like a jealous female- he had those towels while he lived with his ex. I don't begrudge him or have ill feelings about that- it was before me. Just like I have a past before him. However, the thought of the towels she used being in my home really grossed me out. So, thanks to my cousins we have all knew linens for the bathroom.

Oh- I forgot to mention. On top of moving him in today, we also have to meet with the man who will perform the marriage ceremony from my church. I'm a bit nervous about this meeting because I grew up in a very religious home even if I'm not particularly religious now. I believe in God and Christ is my Savior. However, I also believe that if EVERYONE just behaved like a good human being- we'd get where we want to go regardless of which faith we identify ourselves as. Adam however isn't religious at all and I'm nervous as to how he will handle today.

Time will tell I guess.

Here are a few pictures of the last week.