Did you ever reach a point in your journey when you were okay with how things were? Is it wrong to reach that point before hitting your goal weight?
My goal was always to be in the 160's. I knew that would still leave me with a little extra weight at my height of barely 5'4'', but that's what I wanted. Well, here I am holding strong in the 180's with a bout 10 pounds of loose skin so I technically count myself in the 170's and I'm okay with how things are.
I don't care anymore if I ever reach the 160's. I admit it. Every other goal I had for my weight loss has been met accept for the scale. I'm wearing the sizes I hoped I'd be but never really dreamed I'd be. In women's sizes I'm wearing size 8 pants, juniors either size 9 or 11. My tops now range depending on cut and style from a medium to an XL (mostly because of the skin on my stomach and my DD's).
Suddenly now that I'm married and REALLY living a life my priorities have shifted. I still try to eat healthy. There is always fresh fruit in our home, I eat salads all the time, try to do low carb. Admittedly I do not really exercise anymore but I stay active. Am I failure? In one way I feel like the biggest success for all I've accomplished both in weight loss and in my personal life.And then when I step on the scale and it isn't budging I feel mostly okay but then I think about logging into my weight loss Facebook and I find I don't want to for fear of having to admit that I'm not at goal- and worse to hear people be nasty that I'm okay with not being at goal.
For so long my life revolved around being overweight, and then I had surgery and it revolved around losing weight and following rules and getting healthy. Then I met Adam and fell in love and for the first time ever felt completely accepted just how I was. And I continued to lose weight after that. But here I am, with no changes in my weight since March really.
And then there is my father who had his VSG 2/8/13 and has lost well over 100 pounds already. He sees me still having weight to loose, he watches every bite I put in my mouth. Tries to get me to go for long walks in 100 degree heat, telling me it's time to loose the last of my weight. And I want to punch him in his mouth and I feel sort of like I created a monster.
Am I a failure because I don't feel like a failure? Am I a failure?
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Two Month Anniversary
On the 25th Adam and I were officially married for two months. I feel like those two months have contained many highs and lows.
Of course the first week was nothing but bliss and happiness and rainbows and kittens.... Well, technically kitten because we only got one.
The second week saw us both sick and it took my close to two weeks to recover and also saw us have our first real fight we've had the entire time we've been together. During this time I didn't see my parents at all because I keep clear of my mom when I'm ill because she has to stop taking her arthritis medications when she gets sick and I hate to see her barely managed arthritis cause her so much pain. Those two weeks a melancholy set in that took me almost a month to snap out of.
My whole life I lived with my family and since the house burned down in 2005 there was ALWAYS someone at home. Suddenly with Adam working nights and me working days I had to learn how to be all by myself and that was hard.
After figuring out what had me so bummed out I had to figure out how to fix it. Problems was, there wasn't anyway to fix it. It was what it was.
Then after the first month came the settling in and really starting to adjust. Adam hates that I would leave my car keys on the counter, he can't stand when I don't clean as I cook and our tiny counter is covered in dishes. I hate the way he takes his socks off and leaves them all over the place, or the way he squeezes the toothpaste, or how he leaves his dishes all over the living room and can't be bothered to put them in the sink.
But if I've come to realize anything in these two months is that I have my life partner and we are going to make it all work. Dishes can get washed, I've learned to hang my keys on the coat hook, and he has gotten a bit better about his socks and leaving dishes around.
I've learned that my mom really was super woman. She used to keep her house spotless with a husband and two small children. Most days I find I can't even sweep without the darn kitten redistributing the dirt pile all over the place. We live close to a roadway and I hate that I can't seem to keep my floors clean. We don't have any carpet in our home, it's all hardwood, linoleum or tile. I'm hoping that next month when we have extra money and I buy a stick broom and steam mop that will change.
We're settling into a routine and I've started to enjoy being alone. Friday nights Jessica and I do dinner and a movie. Usually she buys something and I'll cook it (sissy misses my cooking) and we rent a movie and watch it at my apartment.
I knew money would be tight for us once we got married but I didn't realize it would be this tight CONSTANTLY! But, this too shall pass and Adam and I have found some fun things to do together that haven't cost us any money.
I love my husband and I'm thankful for him and all that he does for us and how hard he works on his broken foot. I love his passion for what he does for work and even envy him for it. I love knowing that these bumps will make us stronger for the future.
Of course the first week was nothing but bliss and happiness and rainbows and kittens.... Well, technically kitten because we only got one.
The second week saw us both sick and it took my close to two weeks to recover and also saw us have our first real fight we've had the entire time we've been together. During this time I didn't see my parents at all because I keep clear of my mom when I'm ill because she has to stop taking her arthritis medications when she gets sick and I hate to see her barely managed arthritis cause her so much pain. Those two weeks a melancholy set in that took me almost a month to snap out of.
My whole life I lived with my family and since the house burned down in 2005 there was ALWAYS someone at home. Suddenly with Adam working nights and me working days I had to learn how to be all by myself and that was hard.
After figuring out what had me so bummed out I had to figure out how to fix it. Problems was, there wasn't anyway to fix it. It was what it was.
Then after the first month came the settling in and really starting to adjust. Adam hates that I would leave my car keys on the counter, he can't stand when I don't clean as I cook and our tiny counter is covered in dishes. I hate the way he takes his socks off and leaves them all over the place, or the way he squeezes the toothpaste, or how he leaves his dishes all over the living room and can't be bothered to put them in the sink.
But if I've come to realize anything in these two months is that I have my life partner and we are going to make it all work. Dishes can get washed, I've learned to hang my keys on the coat hook, and he has gotten a bit better about his socks and leaving dishes around.
I've learned that my mom really was super woman. She used to keep her house spotless with a husband and two small children. Most days I find I can't even sweep without the darn kitten redistributing the dirt pile all over the place. We live close to a roadway and I hate that I can't seem to keep my floors clean. We don't have any carpet in our home, it's all hardwood, linoleum or tile. I'm hoping that next month when we have extra money and I buy a stick broom and steam mop that will change.
We're settling into a routine and I've started to enjoy being alone. Friday nights Jessica and I do dinner and a movie. Usually she buys something and I'll cook it (sissy misses my cooking) and we rent a movie and watch it at my apartment.
I knew money would be tight for us once we got married but I didn't realize it would be this tight CONSTANTLY! But, this too shall pass and Adam and I have found some fun things to do together that haven't cost us any money.
I love my husband and I'm thankful for him and all that he does for us and how hard he works on his broken foot. I love his passion for what he does for work and even envy him for it. I love knowing that these bumps will make us stronger for the future.
