Back when I started this blog my life was so different. I think of all the things the led to my decision to remove 80+% of my stomach and I don't regret them one bit because they led me to where I am today, which is mostly happy. Through this process I've also learned that mostly happy is more than most can hope for out of life.
Last year my lowest recorded weight was 179.4. Today I sit here after a long boring winter at about 199. Let me tell you how much of a difference these extra 20 pounds are making in my mind. Twenty pounds shows in the way of my face feeling fuller, and those size 8-10s I was so happy to put on have been retired while I struggle emotionally with putting on a size 10-12. What happened?? How could I let this happen?? I don't blame anyone. I do the grocery shopping in our home... It's my fault. However, I will step on my soap box for a moment and rant.
Adam and I are a young couple starting out. Our little apartment costs what people in the south pay for a four bedroom split level. Our electric/gas bills this winter sucked up any disposable income and were just as high as our rent. While struggling to pay these bills, the 2.99/lb chicken breast took a back seat to the .99 box of pasta. Low carb wraps that run about $5 for 10 took a back seat to bread we could make at home with white flour. And well, the chocolate chip cookies, and honestly there were A LOT of them this winter- they were just slipping back into old habits of using food to make us feel good when we were so bored and unhappy because we were SO broke.
Well, I've just gotten back the 5% pay cut I took over a year and a half ago, and Adam's hours should be going back up in just two short weeks. Financially we need him to start working those hours again. Domestically- I can't stand the thought. Last summer was so lonely with him working and not getting home until hours after I'd gone to bed. I'd have gone crazy last year if it hadn't been for the Friday night sister dates with Alyse and Jessica. With Alyse living upstate now and Jessica being all wrapped up with her fiance (I truly shudder at that thought) this year I'm looking to better utilize my alone time.
I'm going to get out an explore the city we live in. I'm going to do this with my walking shoes on! I'm going to read and read until my eyes hurt. I'm going to catch up on tv, and I'm going to walk some more. I will get these 20 pounds off and hopefully more.
I've received the go ahead from my doctor that we can try to start our family. The last year dealing with HPV and several other nasty procedures have left me feeling anxious as ever about starting our family. I want one so badly. I think to myself "How can we possibly have a baby? We could barely pay the gas bill this winter!" But ya know what, we'll find a way. We've done everything on our own with VERY little help from anyone. We did what we could with the money from our wedding, his grandma surprised with a few hundred dollars a few months after the wedding. I may do some grocery shopping from time to time in my parents pantry, and Jessica has been quick to slip some of my items into her items at the checkout, but when it comes to the actual BILLS we've done it on our own and we would for a baby as well.
Our one year wedding anniversary is quickly approaching. I can't believe we've been married for almost a year. I can't believe I have a different last name. (Nor can I believe how incredibly annoying it is to have to change your last name on EVERY FRICKEN thing under the sun!)
I'm also taking a semester off from school. The school I attend has a three semester system with most students doing two on track semesters and one off track where they can chose to take online classes or just enjoy their life. Well, since I started in 2010 I have done all three semesters and I'm tired! So, I'm taking one off. I'm hoping that after this relaxing summer I am planning when September comes around I will have regained some of my enthusiasm for finishing a bachelors degree.
I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head and I'm just not sure what to share and what to keep to myself, lol. This blog was once upon a time only about my weight loss surgery. Then I met Adam and it quickly became about my life as a whole and stopped being so much about weight loss.
Well, I guess this is enough for now. I can't wait to see what the next year holds in store for my husband and I. Will we become parents? Will I manage to lose the extra weight? Will he finally get the promotion he has worked so hard for? Will I finally motivate myself enough to find another job? (Honestly, I make an okay wage for where I work and I have two weeks of paid vacation, a week of sick time, and health insurance that I pay very little into- it makes deciding to leave a very weighty decision these days.)
