Guilt

There is a part of me that feels so guilty right now. When the doctor told me after my LEEP it was okay to try and get pregnant I never thought it would happen so fast. I joined a few online community for women trying to conceive and just got the tips of my toes wet with introducing myself in the community and sharing the struggle with PCOS and then the LEEP. 

I did find a lot of people who were also struggling to get pregnant. So many people posted that this was their last round of IVF because they were out of money.

And then I popped up pregnant right out of the gate, during the first month of really trying. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited, scared, grateful, and in awe of what my body is doing. I'm so thrilled to be having Adam's baby grow inside me. 

But there is a little part of my heart that is breaking for all these women who were kind to me who are still struggling and must harbor some feelings of resentment towards the fact that it happened the first month for me.

I pray for these women that they can know the joy I feel at seeing two pink lines show up on test after test.