And here it comes.....

The freaking out part. What have I gotten myself into?

I've researched and researched and felt so comfortable with this decision and have been so excited. Now that I'm just a few weeks away I'm a mess! I love my doctor, he's great. Love the clinical staff, they are awesome and so non-judgmental like every other doctors office. Office staff--- well they suck, but hey can't have it all.

With my surgeon I actually have the choice of two hospitals. One hospital is very close to the doctors main office, the other is much closer to my home. I've got everything scheduled and arranged to go to the hospital closer to the doctors office because I thought they would be faster and it is the only hospital in the area Noel can go to. Our surgeries are scheduled for the same day and we are all set to be roommates. However, what happens if my insurance doesn't approve me in time?

I'll tell you what.. Noel will still have her surgery on the 5th and I'll be stuck at that hospital with some stranger as a roommate farther away from my family then need be, with a shower that the other patients will be sharing with me.

Now, if I saw screw it and just go with the hospital closer to me I will have my own private room, private shower and my sister can spend the nights with me. I don't mind sharing a room if Noel is going to be my roommate, but the closer I get the less likely it seems insurance will approve me in time.

Now, on top of it all I'm having that meltdown. I haven't been the greatest at following the low carb high protein diet. I've lost about 10 pounds and it's stayed that way for almost a month now because... I can't keep my lips shut. I never really thought before about how much I eat!! I'm not hungry.... I'm bored.. Or hurt... Or empty and it's a way to feel full inside!

Mentally I am 100% prepared. Emotionally I'm starting to wonder if you can be a negate percent of prepared. Like -50%. I'm such a wreck. And even though I'm going through this whole process with Noel, I'm starting to freak out in a major and I feel alone as I can get.