Giving up on school..... (I wish!)

Immediately after high school I did a semester at the local community college. Then I got a job as a hair stylist and I was convinced I was the next Paul Mitchell and didn't need college, so I stopped going.

Then in 2005 our home burned down and I needed to be making a lot more money then I could working my way up the ladder of the hair world. So I got a desk job.

The next eight years I constantly heard about what a mistake it was to leave college, how I was wasting my potential... How others wished they had the same opportunities I gave up.. blah blah. As if working three jobs for a year to help my family recover from the fire didn't show me how miserable it is to have piddly puddly jobs. As if being screamed at so badly by my boss I literally had to wipe his spit off of my face didn't teach me that an education was essential. As if not being able to afford living on my own hasn't taught me I need to earn more money. (Well, at this point I could live on my own, but life is sort of just more comfortable this way. Plus I can't see paying all that money for rent to literally just sleep some place.)

So, when this online program started with BYU-Idaho I was thrilled. It was the answer to prayers I wasn't willing to let anyone know I'd been praying for. And at $65/credit- it is cheaper than community college! For a year once I week a met with a group of other students just like me who wanted more for their lives and futures and we helped each other through the classwork assigned that week. After that year- that part of the program ended and now we're on our own. Which is cool, towards the end having to fit in those weekly meetings was a pain! And just as they were winding down I was starting the process for my surgery.

Well, here I am- my second semester all on my own. I need a quiet place that I can go to for studying. The local library closes at 6pm, which is just about the time I could get there from leaving work at 5. I have a few friends who would let me go to their houses to study, but they are either a) so far away or b) come with strings I'm not interested in. I just feel like for so long I was brow beaten about school that now that I'm finally doing it they are making it as difficult as possible to do any of it.

Of course I'd love to have the time to take ACTUAL classes and learn in a classroom. It'd be easier then trying to calm my brain down and block out noise of a family living life every night when I try to do homework. It'd be better than waking up at 5:30 in the morning so I can have a quiet hour to try and get some stuff done before it's time to start my day. And the noise is all over the most ridiculous stuff too!

My mother has to find something to pick about EVERYDAY! And my father just makes it worse by just not giving her her way to begin with. She always gets what she wants- why not just give it to her and keep her quiet? I love my mother with all my heart- but most days I REALLY don't like her. And I feel A LOT of guilt over that.

And then throw in all these raging hormones being released by my body as I lose the fat. I'm a raging nut! Just like my mother! UGH!!

I need therapy!!

I wish I felt like "There's no place like home."......

Ya know, getting past what I wanted for this weekend... It was really more what I needed... But instead my house is loud, and the door is constantly opening and closing with the arrival and departure of the next round of company. There is no quiet, there is no peace... There is no anything...

And then someone shows up who tries to take over EVERYTHING and it all has to be what HE is saying, what HE wants to talk about, what HE wants for dinner, what HE blah blah blah.. You get the picture. I'm so (#&*($(* tired of it! I love my family- I really do. But sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by the most selfish and inconsiderate people on earth. I work all day long, I come home I do homework. Sometimes I try to cook a meal and do a load of laundry and MAYBE just MAYBE I might get to do some LIGHT cleaning before I pass out. The weekends were my re-coop time and pretty much since I went back to work 2 weeks post op it's been non-stop running and racing on weekends too. Be it homework, shopping (needed shopping, not WANTED shopping), WLS seminar speaking, hanging out with this one or that one and laundry and all the housework I neglected during the week....

And then I have someone who I am REALLY REALLY close to and love spending time with and can't imagine my life without her- but she doesn't work and is so desperate to do stuff with someone on the weekends and I admit sometimes I'm afraid to say no because of past reactions when I have said no. I get responses like "Oh, but if it was so and so wanting to do blah blah you'd do it."

I just need a place to vent! And there isn't anyone to vent to. I have a paper due tomorrow night that I have to finish tonight because I have plans for something I WANT to do tomorrow night so I can't finish it after work. Scheduled dinner guests are set to arrive in an hour, and the unwanted controlling thinks he has control over everything because everyone always gives him his way ass hole just walked in with his wife and daughter. Now- I don't particularly care of his wife- but whatever I can handle it.. But I do really love his little girl- she is precious and I love playing with her. I just can't take the complete lack of respect/interest for the things I have to do...

I'm gonna have to start just staying late at the office to do homework. Lug the laptop with me and after hours when the phones get shut off it is quiet and I can focus on the things I need to do because it ain't happening at home.

Birthday gift..... 2 years later.

So 2 years ago my girlies finally got together and got me a gift certificate to my favorite salon... All those years of doing their hair and now it was my turn!!

Only thing is I only ever had two hair cuts on the gift certificate. I've been wanting highlights the whole time but i didn't have time or the rest of the money to put towards it or really even remember it!!!

Well I am typing this blog as I sit under the hood dryer with foils in my hair!!

How is this WLS related? My hair dresser is starting the process for lap and in 3 weeks!! She started last year before me and ended up pregnant. She is actually the first person that ever really for me considering WLS. She just came back from maternity leave and was so excited to learn I'd had Vsg. She asked me a zillion questions I was happy to answer.

So now all that is left to do today is the hair cut, a pit stop to pick up breaking dawn part I and my pjs, bed, and I have a date for a twilight marathon!

I'm gonna get whiney with it....

I try really hard not to whine because when people around me are whining I tend to just hear "BLAH BLAH BLAH" sort of like the Charlie Brown cartoon.

I'm tired... I'm so freakin tired in my bones! I take my vitamins, I get in my protein (I think. I need to be better about tracking.) But going to bed at midnight, falling asleep around 1 and getting up at 6 is taking its toll on my post-op reduced calorie body. It isn't all surgery related.. In fact I'd say the surgery has made it easier to have the energy I *DO* have!

I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. Work, school, family, friends, boys! Yes- I said boys. Between two gentlemen friend and now knowing Nick needs a shoulder... I just don't know how to do it all.

And honestly, aside from maybe getting my hair done tomorrow, my goal for this weekend is to not take a shower! I said it! I'm gonna stay home in pjs, do my laundry and school work, and watch TV in bed. ALL WEEKEND!

So no people- I don't want to go to the mall, I don't want to go get a pedicure- I don't want to ride to dunkin donuts, I don't want to come over for dinner.... I don't particularly want you to come over for dinner either. I just need quiet and rest. GOT THAT?!?!?

Here is my week 9 video.. Just because.

 

Why did I go with VSG? Watch the video below to find out.

Bad blogger

So I've been a bad blogger... I'd say it's because I enjoy doing my vlog more- which is true- but I haven't even updated that in over a week. I've been busy as can be with school and trying to regain a shred of a personal life. I've started going to bingo with Noel on Friday nights. I feel kind of lame going because I'm a single 27 year old spending my Friday nights playing bingo with my cousin. We're supposed to do that when we have grandkids- not before I have kids!

Reconnected with an old friend Jim whom I haven't really talked to much in the last two years. He was a friend I met while dating the ex (we call him Commander and Chief F***tard or King of all F***tards) that ripped my heart out- so for awhile being around him was too hard. Then Jim went through some stuff and we talked a bit here and there and he shared with me the reason he stopped talking with Commander and Chief F***tard (CaCFT) was because of me..... It sounds like such a line but I know with Jim that it isn't. He is a very genuine man. If he wasn't almost 40- divorced with kids I'd possibly be interested in him. Well- mostly just if he didn't have the kids.. I don't care about the age..... That and he has hair longer than mine- a no no in this previous hairdressers book! So he and I have plans to go out for dinner one night this week and play catch up. He doesn't know about my surgery so it should be interesting. I do weight less then I did the last time he saw me so hopefully I can just order some soup and say I'm on WeightWatchers or something... Then again, Jim is so easy to be around I will probably share with him. He'll be happy for me.

Along with catching up with Jim came the topic of dating because he knew how badly I was hurt by CaCFT and took time off from dating. I've had these thoughts bouncing around in my head for a few weeks that there is something missing from my life and that maybe I was ready to start dating again. Then last week I started having FUN! My life is getting FUN! WITHOUT a man! I feel like the ugly duckling becoming a swan or the ugly caterpillar morphing into a beautiful butterfly. I can't describe how I feel inside... Happy and peaceful and... content? I feel like good things are starting to finally happen- and I don't want a man getting involved! For the first time EVER I'm happy this way WITHOUT a boyfriend!! I just want to enjoy being me and finding out who this new happier Danielle is. So- no dating :)

Technically I celebrated my 50 pound loss last week by wearing my new Coach sneakers.... But then I got this awesome email from the Coach Factory Outlet saying that I was invited to their invitation only once a year spring sale.... Ught oh! Now- I have to add- unbeknownst to most when I quit smoking for my surgery I sort of started taking money I would have spent on cigarettes and tucking it away.. My mad money if you will... Well, that rainy day was upon me!!

I know what you must be thinking- this girl just blew like $600 or $700 on Coach stuff... WRONG!! Try like less than $300!! How could I not! I have an addiction to Coach stuff now- I swear. And I don't have to break this habit because it isn't going to kill me the way cigarettes were doing.. Literally.

So I had a few other awesome finds this week...

It says it is an anti-aging lotion- but really it's just full of yummy goodness for you skin. It's quite luxerious feeling and matching the body wash VSGTanya2011 shared in her VLOG. I love it. You should go out and love it too!!

Then on another blog I follow Ready To Realize Stacey shared this product I happened to find at Price Chopper...

It's kind of high in carbs for us VSGers... But I only take a few sips at a time and I enjoy it as a treat. I still have 3/4ths of the bottle and I bought it Tuesday night. They have a few other variety flavors but I wouldn't really be interested in them.

Well, anyway- to continue the 50 pounds thing.. I'm going with Noel today to celebrate her 50 pound milestone. We're going to the Clinique counter at Macy's for makeovers, then we're going to get pedicures and our nails done. After that we'll be coming back to my house to help celebrate my mothers 56th birthday. We're making diabetic/WLS yummies because everyone in the family who will be here is either a WLS patient, a hopefull WLS patient, or diabetic- so healthy food it'll be!

Hope you all have a fabulous week- but I've been updating you all in my bathrobe fresh out of the shower and I'm freezing- so time to blow dry my hair.

Toodles!