Giving up on school..... (I wish!)

Immediately after high school I did a semester at the local community college. Then I got a job as a hair stylist and I was convinced I was the next Paul Mitchell and didn't need college, so I stopped going.

Then in 2005 our home burned down and I needed to be making a lot more money then I could working my way up the ladder of the hair world. So I got a desk job.

The next eight years I constantly heard about what a mistake it was to leave college, how I was wasting my potential... How others wished they had the same opportunities I gave up.. blah blah. As if working three jobs for a year to help my family recover from the fire didn't show me how miserable it is to have piddly puddly jobs. As if being screamed at so badly by my boss I literally had to wipe his spit off of my face didn't teach me that an education was essential. As if not being able to afford living on my own hasn't taught me I need to earn more money. (Well, at this point I could live on my own, but life is sort of just more comfortable this way. Plus I can't see paying all that money for rent to literally just sleep some place.)

So, when this online program started with BYU-Idaho I was thrilled. It was the answer to prayers I wasn't willing to let anyone know I'd been praying for. And at $65/credit- it is cheaper than community college! For a year once I week a met with a group of other students just like me who wanted more for their lives and futures and we helped each other through the classwork assigned that week. After that year- that part of the program ended and now we're on our own. Which is cool, towards the end having to fit in those weekly meetings was a pain! And just as they were winding down I was starting the process for my surgery.

Well, here I am- my second semester all on my own. I need a quiet place that I can go to for studying. The local library closes at 6pm, which is just about the time I could get there from leaving work at 5. I have a few friends who would let me go to their houses to study, but they are either a) so far away or b) come with strings I'm not interested in. I just feel like for so long I was brow beaten about school that now that I'm finally doing it they are making it as difficult as possible to do any of it.

Of course I'd love to have the time to take ACTUAL classes and learn in a classroom. It'd be easier then trying to calm my brain down and block out noise of a family living life every night when I try to do homework. It'd be better than waking up at 5:30 in the morning so I can have a quiet hour to try and get some stuff done before it's time to start my day. And the noise is all over the most ridiculous stuff too!

My mother has to find something to pick about EVERYDAY! And my father just makes it worse by just not giving her her way to begin with. She always gets what she wants- why not just give it to her and keep her quiet? I love my mother with all my heart- but most days I REALLY don't like her. And I feel A LOT of guilt over that.

And then throw in all these raging hormones being released by my body as I lose the fat. I'm a raging nut! Just like my mother! UGH!!

I need therapy!!